On the tails of the previous post, I got into a discussion about social media and the negative impact it can have on our emotional, mental, and even sometimes, physical health with a friend.

I know that there are good things that have come out of the rise of the social media empire. For example, we are now, because of sites like Facebook, Instagram, WhatsApp, Twitter, and the such, more connected worldwide than ever before. Though we are more connected, this does not necessarily mean that we are experiencing and better relationships, deeper community, and greater intimacy. Has this increased connection with the world encouraged better relationships or has it encouraged competition? Has it encouraged deeper community or has it encouraged a false sense of acceptance? Has it encouraged greater intimacy or has it isolated the individual through means of superficial attention?

So, after considering the things in my life to which I am most attached in my last post, I decided to go without social media for a week. I wanted to see where these sites had an impact in my life. And after the second day I could see how, when it comes to relationships, I have fallen into living unintentionally. Even my claim as to why I haven’t deleted Facebook has unintentional written all over it. Because of social media, I can “keep up” with hundreds of people without actually having to put effort into the relationship.

I realized from this week without social media that this empire is winning the battle against intentional relationships in my life.

I can see my “friends” stories and have the satisfaction of knowing they are happy and living a good life. And therefore I don’t need to ask them how they are. If I were to reach out and ask, maybe I would get a different answer than what is shown on their story or page. Maybe they would tell me how they are struggling with finances, or how they are worried that their boyfriend is cheating on them, or how they got in a fight with their parents and some hurtful things were said. But I won’t know any of this, because what they have posted satisfies what I feel like I need to know. More often than not what we see and post on social media is the airbrushed version of our lives. Thus, though I think I know what’s going on with my “friends”, I don’t.

Unless I’m INTENTIONAL about asking.

You see social media creates this allusion of relationship for people on both sides: for the poster and the viewer. At least it has for me. For a fleeting moment, when I see that people have seen my story or liked my picture, I feel loved and accepted, wanted and worthy. For a fleeting moment, when I see someones post, I feel like I know them and what they are doing with their lives and how they are. But that moment passes. And when my day is bad, or struggling with my mental health or going through a transition or challenge, I don’t go to the people who give me that fleeting feeling of acceptance. I don’t go to the person whose story I watch daily. I talk to the person/people who know me intimately.

I’ve realized that I use social media to allow me to excuse my lack of effort in relationships. It’s convenient. “Oh there’s so-and-so’s story, now I don’t have to text/call them.” And when I am curious about what someone is doing with their life, do I text them, do I call them? Sadly, more often then not, I check Instagram.

I was struck by how my instinct was to check social media before calling or texting. I want to change this. I want to be more intentional about my relationships. Now, I don’t know if I’m quite ready to give up social media altogether, because well, it has some good qualities. But now that I know how these sites have impacted my life negatively, how they have made me more isolated than connected, I need to act on this realization. Perhaps next time I’m curious about someone’s life I won’t settle for watching their story. Maybe I can choose to encourage better, deeper, more intimate friendships through being intentional.

So I’ll end this, the way I seem to end most of my writing experiments: with a challenge, or rather, this time, some questions :

How does social media impact your relationships?
How intentional are your relationships?
What are you going to do about it?